︶ε︶ 是燕在粱间呢喃 ☆

 

临走的前两天，我们搭着顺风车又回到了市区。先去书城，然后又回到我们以前住过的地方。

 

 

 

 

 

 

东方雅苑和高发城池都是我们曾经居住过的地方。

东方雅苑比较大，三室一厅，还有风景不错的空中花园，租金比较贵。

高发城池相对便宜，但既都处闹市，房价自然是炒的热乎。

而现在，我们也算是住在燕子岭最高档的住宅。虽然是一室没有厅，但楼下有保安，还有一个从来都没有水的游泳池和尚未开张的超市。今天上午又莫名其妙地停电了一上午，害得我们唯一的娱乐活动--看电视，也被迫停止了。

没有电的时候，才发现电的可贵，想喝水都没得烧。

其实哪里都可以是我的家，无所谓大小地角。

就像现在，should i say that i am leaving home or should i say that i am leaving for home?

 

 

 

 

很无聊地迎来了5月的一天又一天，然后又送走了逐渐炎热的6月初。

没同学，没朋友，我就努力地购物，拍照，吃

还真是非常的。。。哈哈

但是我一向后知后觉，等到我开始B4自己时，大概已经回到了美丽的花岛过着稍微有意义的生活了吧

现在，好在有这些战略品和照片，验证了我生生不息的存在

 

 

新买的衣服，原价365.50

现在一折。可惜就一件了，你想买也没啦

 

黑白间隔的一切我都情有独钟，买不起钢琴就买包包 RMB48

其实我更想买NODAME背的那种，淘宝网上才20多。

但我住的地方实在是偏远，运费大概比包包还贵呐

 

帽子也是意外的收获，10元一顶。

后悔寄大连的包裹寄早了，我大姨妈最喜欢戴帽子

 

妈妈说这是榕树

“草丛边的榕树上知了在声声地叫着夏天”的那个榕树

 

龙岗公园，就是以龙为主体。龙岗在深圳算是偏的了，此时正在兴建地铁，放眼路边除了砖头就是挖土机，我想拿出照相机都不敢。

一个字：乱

然而，从我们那儿到龙岗还得要大概40分钟。先做小面包车到坪山，再坐巴士

所以我们真的是远离城市的喧嚣，但却绝非世外桃源

这里居住的多以打工族为主。打工仔，打工妹，还有像我爸这样的打工老大爷比比皆是

“我是一朵飘零的花”写的煽情但我还是从头到尾地读下来了

知道赚钱不容易，但却不知道为什么人与人的命运可以如此截然不同

知道中国还是穷人多富人少，但还真没勇气去放弃什么去拯救什么

这并不因为我是80后。我压根就没拧明白为什么国内对80后这么感冒

80后也是人，80后不好口号，80后自我崇拜

80后牛在他们的直率，脆弱和真诚呀

 

其实真没什么景，幸亏妈妈一向很会“取景”

 

这件衣服好像是2折，原价455，买回来RMB99

我觉得穿起来有点像马来人。但那间店偏偏叫做“现代唐彩”，里面还有买很多旗袍之类的衣服

我自看了张曼玉的“花样年华”便对旗袍有了新的诠释。

既庄重大方又婀娜动人，内敛而清高。

因此我虽然现在穿不出去但还是买了一件，我还准备每年买一件挂在柜里，等到我酝酿出了女人味的那一天统统秀出来牛逼闪亮一下

 

 

 

 

 

这边的热和新加坡的热很不一样。我大概是习惯新加坡的热了，还受得了

这里是晒得我脑壳疼。脑袋一发热，就真得赶紧找个凉的地方歇一会儿

 

 

我本想趁没人像坐坐儿童秋千，回归童年，可就是没坐进去

 

 

我照完才发现树上有n多只毛毛虫，吓得我。。

 

入口处。这件事跟去云南的白色连衣裙一起买的。都是RMB69

我想这件可以穿去学校，回去后准备一件衣服也不买了

这样的决定是需要莫大的勇气，到头来也不一定会遵守

女人总觉得自己柜子里少一件衣服身上多一斤肉。

我是女孩，不是女人。因此我常常觉得自己柜子里少两件衣服身上多两斤肉。

 

a good site that teaches how to make a simple origami photo frame:

 

 

 

 

05。06。09---10。06。09

 

昆明。大理。丽江

 

1。昆明

 

石林

 

与其说这里漂亮，不如说这里人多

与其说这里人多，不如说这里商业化

租这件衣服10元，毕竟来这里的拍照的比欣赏风景的多呀

 

这里的女孩叫做阿诗玛，画一样的名字：阿诗玛。

因为广告做得太多太有效，我们一车人都认为少数民族的女娃必定个个沉鱼落雁，闭月羞花。

我一路上闭目养神，就是为了一睹彝族美女的风情万种。

然而，由于处在高原，再漂亮的女孩儿的脸蛋上都多了两圈圆溜溜的高原红。

因为看不习惯，就没法评价到底是美还是不美。

我想他们看我们也大概是一样的，稀奇古怪的头发不说，还戴徐志摩那时的黑框眼镜。退化呀退化

回到深圳后爸爸的同事请我们吃饭，聊起石林，他意味深长地说：“石林漂亮，阿诗玛么。。。”

 

 

妈妈也曾打伞照过一张这样的。妈妈说我没她年轻时那么清秀

可惜她年轻时人们的审美观还非常的闭塞。眼大的不如块大的，因为块大的能生啊

因此像妈妈这样比较小只的在北方不太吃香

另外，人家说你“好看”是件非常丢脸的事情，因此一有人这样暗示就要去好好反省，太有意思了哈哈 

 

 

妈妈年轻时

没经过她同意放上来的，现在她很重视肖像权，不让我随便把她的照片放上来

至于这张照片是怎么跑上来的我也说不上呀

 

 

七彩云南

 

这是牡丹花。这么美的花有一天也要凋谢，想起来就觉得可惜

我一个过路人，只能把你拍下来留做纪念啊

我想喜欢欣赏花的人会为花儿的凋零而感到惋惜，但喜欢花的人会无怨无悔地陪着花老去吧

 

 

 

2。大理古城

 

 

这只小羊可是真的呦。

 

崇圣寺三塔

 

 

 

虽然这个围巾非常的便宜，但是它的用途非常得多，戴上他照片效果也好很多。

画龙点睛，价廉物美说的就是这个吧

它还能给我打造出不同的造型。这个鸡妈妈造型，是我妈妈的最爱。

 

3。丽江

 

别墅

这就是我们住的别墅外

你看我站在这里，像不像我就是这个车的车主呢？

哈哈，我也希望是这样的呀

但是我觉得开车对于我这个从来就分不清东南西北的人来说简直比登天还难呀。

 

 

玉龙雪山

 

 

 

这只雕你要不听地抖它在会展翅。

但我连撑起它的力气都没有，还哪儿能抖呢。

于是，雕的主人就是不是帮我抖一抖，哈哈

 

这个可爱的牦牛会被做成牦牛肉干，牦牛酸奶（我喝了），还有牦牛辣椒酱（我买了）

后面就是雪山，但失雾太浓了，看不清楚

到了中午，我们要临开时雪山才稍稍给了点面子，屡出了一溜积雪

 

 

丽江古城

 

 

我喜欢在陌生的地方毫无目的的游走

我喜欢看街灯一闪一闪，停店铺里飘来悠悠的音乐

那时我无欲无求，时间停滞

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

17.05

 

had e worst daymare just now..dreamt of a jc classmate asking me why i did not prepare for my contract exam. i blanked out completely.

i am reading a book by anita brookner now. her reticent and reclusive characters always seem to bear some resemblances to myself, unfortunately. this one is called 'leaving home' and the 20 somethings went to France to study garden design in an attempt to get away from home, from her mum. i like the subtle sadness and the touch of reality in the storyline. melancholy is weaved into every line and it just gets me emo all over again. but yet i like her style without any reservation. i am about halfway through. to be updated :)

 

17.05 midnight 

 

 

 

12 may

 

 

“现在死和过五十年再死，有什么本质区别吗？我能理解你的感觉。”

                 --《北京，北京》

  

人如何离开毛茸茸的状态，忘却伤感。透明的水晶球，滔滔不绝。

现在死和过五十年再死，有什么本质区别吗？我并不需要任何人来理解这一刻的感觉。

我只需要这样悠闲的下午，这样暖洋洋的忧伤。很空虚，也很美好。

静坐看天色逐渐黯淡，等所有的星星都蒸发，我会沐浴在比夜空更夜空的安详。

farewell,farewell

 

用一秒钟的时间，回到原点，你站在思念的哪一边？

花开花谢花满天，当所有的花儿都凋谢，春天还会不会回来？

该用哪一种姿态飘落，才能让你更真实地记住我？

比未来更久远的过去，有着水晶球般的忧伤。

the mirror is in my heart，always，as always

 

琴键般的忧伤，黑白间隔的悠扬。

你还在等待吗？可星星是不会再出现了。

你看过流星雨吗？

春暖花开的日子里，我将每一句窃窃私语彻底晒干，磨碎，撒入大海。

让浪花带它到比你更遥远的远方，沉淀是我心的重量。

time forgets

 

悄悄的，悄悄的，我感觉到眼角的湿润，逐渐扩散的阴影。

流浪着的旋律，跳跃在指尖上的旋律，它努力地寻找，寻找一只聆听的耳朵，或者更多。

背着阳光，是我一个人的影子，不断放大的黑色水印。

 

我静坐如雨下了一夜。

 

 

 

10 may

 

pictures from sis =)

 

 

 

 

 

8 may

 

over over!! FINALLY!

it's really a tiring + fulfilling year =) i cannot imagine i swallowed the entire YMC within half a semester. but it's nice to know, that my mind still functions and i am still who i was. =) i went back to hc yesterday. everything at hc seems unchanged. i almost expected to walk up to the canteen bench to find the usual morning group. i was always on the verge of being late.. no matter how early i woke up =( i never liked the position of my class. it's so far from the left wing that i had to make my morning dash to join the queue in time. :/ i guess this year is a lot better. my earliest lesson starts at 9, so it gives me ample time to toast my bread and watch the browning of time.

 

now that the exams are over, i totally planned 3 months of decadence. haha. i am going to:

 

1. sleep--i have not slept before 2 ever since the reading period began

2. exercise--i am going to be back at my jogging

3. read--little woman, for the second time. and anderson

4. play pipa--wei shui qing, chun jiang hua yue ye

 

and i have no idea whether the Poland trip will materialise thanks to the swine flu. i guess if not i can use that to first get myself a second-hand piano and then wait for my tragic death when my mum learns about it. haha.

 

it's the longest holiday ever ever. and i'm loving it right from now :)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

7 may right after the crim law exam..

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

sushi

 

 

 

 

i guess the most heartaching thing in a buffet is not that the food is not nice. it's that the food is nice but you are too full :P

 

 

5 may

 

three more days before the last round of sacrifice. i am counting down, by the hour, by the minute, by the shade of my gigantic eyebags. i am losing my concentration, losing my momentum, losing my mind..i hope it all turns out fine. i hope hard work does pay off.

21 apr

 

ah my smart comp refuses to display anything again!!

i have to reconnect it twice and wipe it real carefully this time.

haha i remember once i brought my comp all e way to the service centre and after some rather detailed examination, all he said was: it's not responding cos it's sensors are coated with dust...it was embarrassing..

i finally decided to give up legal theory lest other modules give up on me. it never fails to make me fall asleep...well i guess i cant help it if i am shallow and unintelligent..words of wisdom just dont make sense to my feeble mind. sigh sigh sigh. i hope i wont do too badly for that.

 

16 Apr

 

I dont feel like 21. :(

I dont want to be an adult :'(

 

photos :D (taken from 12 apr to 16 apr)

 

 

 

 

 

 

at mac waiting for mum :D

 

 

 

 

15 april. sakura

 

16 apr at swensens..free ice-cream! :))

 

 

14 Apr

 

i seriously have nothing to say about the design of YIH toilets. i alomst flung myself into the toilet bowl. if the door must open in such a way that the user is squashed against the toilet bowl, then i must say that whoever designed the toilets isn't any smarter than i am. it's only when i am at the main campus that i realise that i am a university student. law school feels a little like jc. it's all small and nice and cosy. there arent a lot of activities going on as well. the wildest thing (in my opinion) that happened at law school was the announcement about the escape of a snake from the botanical gardens. it's so harry potterish. and then there are the 2 black swans and the single white one at the further side of the garden where we practised our moot. i always wonder which swan tastes nicer. the celebratory party did not materialise, and i have never attended a single outing because it inevitably involves clubbing. the year ends so quietly. 

 

10 Apr

woohoo moot is finally over!!

and i didnt really screw up :)

i just wish to stop thinking and forget about Erasmus and s27A..haha

lots of thanks to fang for listening to me all these while..(you must be as tired of Erasmus as I am..)

and i am going to take more pictures!! taking photos always makes me happy!!! haha!

 

me and my co-counsel mag

 

before moot..

 

after moot...

 

 

 

taken by fang..who was unduly proud for discovering the double images.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

i realised tt i cant be a camel in my next life..and i wonder when i can get rid of those pimples??? i am going to be an adult soon. i should leave my retardednes for myself. haha. does that make me even more retarded?? hoho. i think i like spastic things. a lot a lot. i should start working hard again next week. to begin, i shall eliminate those lessons that do not make a difference in my learning. oh god if i rmb correctly, someone said something like you shouldnt let school comes in the way of your learning. well i cant really do that cos i pay school fees. ermz..okok. i like this weekend. so relaxed that i practically didnt use my brain. one more month to holiday. one more month to liberty!

 

 

 

 

最动人的忧伤并不是什么大悲大难，而是一个很简单而又很纯粹的事实，悲在你没有办法改变，它已成为永远的过去式。

我总感觉我的半个青春都给了bukit timah road. 从中学到现在每隔几年坐几站。同样的路口，同样的车牌，在红绿灯前我的人生亦如车水马龙。我还是耿耿于怀。我不喜欢停留在一个地方很久很久。我不喜欢太习惯太熟悉太安逸。但我也同样害怕陌生的。我的人生就是建立在这一个个解不开和没有必要解开的矛盾上。今天早上收到lf的信，很想念很像念中学时的生活。后院的那个秋千还在，而我们，只有回忆。

 

this morning was quite traumatising, a girl in my class wouldnt do anything and insisted on curling underneath my table..i really didnt know what to do with her so i just didnt do anything.  and when she finally came out after recess, she drew little things and then immediately cancelled them by shading them black. sigh. i thought this kind of children should be placed in special classes? then again these classes are for children from needy families so hers probably couldnt afford placing her in a special school? i guess i cant really relate to her, just like i cant relate to most of the people in sch..they either drive or cab while i calculate the difference between direct busfare and transfer busfare..and it's not their fault at all if they dont understand how it feels to be poor. i doubt i do either. but it's just funny how some people take everything they have for granted while others dont have anything to begin with. i guess it's just a matter of luck so u'd better pray hard that u'll be born into a good family the next time round? but what do you do meanwhile? oh yes, you pray.

 

i realised that these must be the perfect words to describe my life at the moment..or rather the lack of it.

i am a paper-processing machine. i print, i read, i file. i read therefore i am..haha. it doesnt really matter to me whether or not i can prove my existence to anyone else, for all i've ever wanted to do was to prove the meaning of my life to myself. which by the way is getting more and more elusive. well, maybe selfish people deserve to be punished this way, i dont know, anwyay, why is it that we want to carry on living our lives as it is? dont worry i am getting suicidal it's just a random quesiton that Mag asked me today..and it dawned to me that maybe it really doesnt make a big difference if i die today or some years later. cos i'd always always always believe that i'd rather die young, pretty and ignorant than old, ugly and still ignorant..but of cos people still cling on to life. you never know what happens after you die so you might as well just live with it. and u'll still die anyway so no need to be kiasu about that i guess. i cant remember most of what i read as a child, but i must have missed out on the really nice fairy tales. nice not in the sense of happliy ever after..twisted plots and gruesome endings are much much more exciting. or perhaps you can try talking to a rabbit..oh yes i've drawn lots of them during legal theory. i fantasize living in a world with lots of totoros and other gigantic but friendly animals. i'd hug them when i am happy and wack them when i am not. well, they must have IQ lower than mine, which is hard i admit. so that they cant plot revenge. and i will drill them to conformity like i am being drilled, and make them feel proud to mee like sheeps do. oh no. me and my sadism.

 

怎么看也看不腻的一部电影，怎么听也听不厌的一首歌

它带你到了一个幻想中的魔法世界

连鬼怪也变得那么得可爱

总有一天我也要学会弹那首歌

让旋律带我暂时脱离这个过于现实的世界

既然我没有勇气选择，就让我快乐于我自己的快乐

我还要继续上课，我还要努力赚钱

然后的然后就是一个不能说的秘密

 

"The brevity of life on earth cannot be overemphasized. I cannot take for granted that time is on my side—because it is not.... Heaven can wait, but I cannot."

 

 

wohoo i got my first a- today!! although it's only 15% and a half-memorial..still, it's heartwarming! never mind that i have no idea why i got it, it kept me happy for most of the day. i really need more A- or at least B+ if i were to get a B for the final grade. and i can forget about the class participation marks. i just realised this afternoon that i had forgotten to submit the five questions for legal theory in the last seminar..and i am not intending to make up, though i can easily come up with five hundred questions. i have mastered the art of sleeping with my eyes wide open and according to Mag, i looked very serious that way. but instead of looking at the prof, i was staring straight at my waterbottle. i learned to draw a new cartoon character today but i was too tired to show her. it was in my last criminal notes which i left in my locker. she tried teahing me to fold swans using the gum wrappers but i just couldnt make them move...hoho, lazy people make lazy swans. then we went to the library to continue with research.since she's doing the common law issue, she's now an expert in educational malpractice..as for me, i am in for the statutory issue and an expert in...indecent exposure. haha. i am not kidding you, i have read almost all the cases on indecent exposure, studied clinical reports of exhibitionism and deviant sexual behaviour, and am now trying to determine the community level of tolerance for such behaviour..still got 1300 words to go. tmr's progress will determine my fate since it's a full day without lesson and i am going to be real anti-social and find a secluded corner to perfect my understanding of exhibitionists and the like..haha.

hee i feel like blogging again..oh no (waste time...haha actually i am running away from my lawr..>o<) okay, for the first time (really, i am not bluffing you..) i skipped lesson today. oh no, should be 3 lessons. i really do not know if i am physically sick or emotionally unsound. in any case, i woke up blessed with a worse headache (who says the cure for headache is sleeping??!! i thought my head was on fire-.=') and started ransacking the house for panadol. i finally located it in the transparent pencil box that i used during the A levels papers (my entry slip is still there). after taking two tablets, i decided to go back to sleep but apparently mum woke up when i left the room and as usual that means no more sleep. we talked for about half an hour about random things and i seriously cannot remember most of the content except that at some point of time, she said something like one of her former colleagues had done a plastic surgery to make her eyes look bigger but it turned out that they were so big that nobody dared to look at her in the eyes and i thought that was quite ironic. i had probably formed the intention of skipping today's lessons while i was half listening. but anyway i was a bit late when i left the house and somehow i just headed straight to the community centre. it wasnt open until 9:30 and anyway i was too sleepy to mug. so i slept till around nine at the place where people read the day's newspapers and went to seven eleven to buy a loaf of raisin bread and HL milk. you'd be amazed at this but i finished the whole loaf before i went home. haha that's like ten slices..i used like five minutes for lunch and five minutes for dinner. in between i made notes for necessity, went to Mac, came up again when threatened with second-hand smoke and the prospect o lung cancer, finsihed part of duress, watched the rain, bought a new highlighter, cursed ** for his immensly profound philosophy and ** for bothering to respond, and went home when i've more or less cleared the reading for this week. sigh. so now i have no more excuses for avoiding lawr..1500/5 days=300 per day. 300/24 hrs=13 per hr. 13/60=approxiamtely 0 per min. ermz.. okay, i shall stop this self-deception. target for tonight: 500 words! no 500 no sleep! (bless me..)

 

oh. the whole of today is somewhat wasted..the day started with the usual walk to the nature park with my mum. and i realised that they changed their usual oreo to some grape flavoured biscuit. they gave us two bottles of mineral water, one of which tasted so weird that i used it to wash my feet. then i ate roti prata with egg. it's 1.20. i didnt drink milo though. cant rmb why. then we went to the market and bought five apples, 3 oranges. i am always bad at this and two of the apples that i chose has got little black holes. mum told me that going to the walk is more worthwhile than watching the concert cos it's free, you got to exercise, and they gave you biscuits. i thought she made some sense. then we called dad. i told him that i am going to poland in june and he said he will sponsor me the air ticket. i am still waiting for the sponsorship from my mum. i checked out Poland from wikipedia. then downloaded my notes and did some reading before i fell into a deathlike coma. slept all the way to lunch. woke up, ate lunch and continued sleeping till around four. i thought it was morning. seriously why do i always sleep so much. afternoon till night was equally bad. Departure was so touching that i almost cried my contact lens out. i dont know what it means. i can only blame myself because that is me. i am still waiting for the concert photos to be uploaded. i wished they'd let us take photos with our ghostly costumes. next time i should have brought my own camera and take some pictures inside the dressing room. reading my sister's blog made my depression worse. she could recall all the intricate details..the name of the tree, the smell in the corridor, and the number of steps leading to home. i get dont even remember them. i can only pretend that they exist and construct the past from there. i forget. i dont know why. and now i am having a headache. can you get a headache from nothing? you work to get money, study to get knowledge (or do you..), but what do you do to get a headache? haha, really, some things are free afterall.

 

now that it is over, i have no more excuses to postpone my first draft. yes i shall stop living in sef-denial. i imagine myself standing on that empty stage once more. probably i'd sense music better that way. you cannot hear the notes played inside my brain. there is no rhythm to what comes out of it. you cannot tap your feet or snap your fingers. i havent figured out how to do that for my left hand. oh no there's a mosquito here and i'd better leave. here's some pictures that i took using my own camera. maybe i will upload more later if i could find them.